Beatitudes Part 2
Today, I look at the beatitudes in relation to sub-dimension two of the model used to develop a Natural Systems Scale for Congregations. (See more about the model under the Perspicacity tab).
Sub-dimension Two: Tension or Anxiety Management: Families or congregations seek not to avoid tension, but rather, to manage it when it occurs. Some situations are inherently anxiety-provoking. In more mature groups, anxiety is proportional to the problem: a realistic assessment of the facts of the situation occurs. In less mature groups, fear spreads through the triangles with less and less connection to reality. When the least mature are the leaders, the group loses functional capacity as all are required to accommodate those with the least ability to manage their emotions under tension.
Beatitudes related to tension management include Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted (Matthew 5:4) and Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy (Matthew 5:7). Beginning with mourning, notice that Jesus never addresses who or what is being mourned. Each of us has a different load. For some, it goes way back – before one was born, to family tragedies left un-mourned by those impacted the most. Unprocessed grief, where an individual cuts off from their own emotional system, may protect an individual with little capacity to manage the emotion. However, it finds its way down the generations. When a child or grandchild wakes up – recognizing the unresolved emotions of the previous generations, choosing not to blame or fear but simply to understand – the child is comforted, and the family can begin to mature again.
Often, one person’s awakening to the realities faced by a family unit begins when someone listens. Here, we find the merciful – those who can hear a story without blaming. They are beyond reacting; they listen and they see. What they don’t do is absorb the emotions. Whatever the reality is, they leave it back with the other person, the one listened to. It is the problem of the one who is being heard, and if another takes it away from them, they lose the chance for growth. The merciful, it seems, never over-function, respecting the autonomy of others at all costs.
One can only be merciful to others to the extent that one has learned to be merciful towards oneself. Self-acceptance, an awareness of one’s flaws and limitations, is the beginning point. Different from self-indulgence, however, self-acceptance involves a tender pushing of oneself towards maturity. Part of growing up is becoming merciful towards oneself. One can listen and see one’s own anxieties and fears, responding with thoughtfulness within, hearing one’s own cares and worries, assessing the realities, and doing the best one can with the situation. In the merciful, the thinking system and the feeling system are connected.
Connecting the emotional system with the intellectual system is a way of overcoming one’s automatic reactivity. Sometimes, both the speed and the amount of reactivity is painful to observe in oneself. Over-reacting to the smallest difficulties can happen at lightning speed.
Automatic reactivity is at least partly inherited. Here, I’m not talking genetic inheritance, although that may happen as well, as genes are turned on or off, depending on context. I’m talking about patterns coming down through the generations which reflect an inability to manage anxiety in mature ways. How does this begin? Tragedy or trauma or both, up the family tree, may have been more than people could bear to think about. The inability to reflect on emotions thoughtfully finds many expressions, which may change over time, but the underlying automatic reactivity continues.
Unless, until… one person decides to face what happened. Talking to earlier generations of family members, reading old letters, adding facts to the story, connecting with family friends, even reading books about the era in which an event occurred – all of these are a beginning point towards a surprise ending: the individual’s automatic reactivity begins to decline. Being able to see what one’s family was up against changes a person from within. A burden lifts, and the individual can engage both her emotions and her intellect, harnessing them together rather than being at their considerable whims and fancies. One is blessed.
